I’m a ponderer more than a “reflecter.” I’ve certainly never sat down to compose a whole “year in review.” But if there was ever a year that could use a review and some reflection, it’s 2021.

I’ve spent a lot of time deliberating how best to capture the year’s events without writing a 5,000 word essay. If I were a designer, I’d create a flowchart. But I’m a words person, so I started a draft. By the time I reached September, I’d already written 4,000 words. So much for being concise.

There is also much I haven’t included. This year was tough for so many, I’m quite sure. But it was particularly tough for us and many of the people we’re close to. While we’re typically a positive, forward-thinking family, and there were plenty of good things that happened this year, for this review I wanted to capture the numerous challenges we faced with the hope that we’ll be able to look back and remind ourselves what we got through.

Grab yourself some eggnog and buckle up for a three-part miniseries.

Just as a heads-up: I use language that might be offensive to some and some of the content might be upsetting. ‘Tis what it is.

2021 in Review: Part 1

January

A day or two into 2021 we decided to cut short our vacation in northern Thailand because places were shutting down and we worried about getting stuck. Good thing we did; the country basically shut down again and the next semester of school began online.

A few days later I had knee surgery for a torn meniscus, which had unfortunately been scheduled on Tobin’s 13th birthday. (Side note: Thailand is known for its top-notch medical care. It’s a “medical tourism” destination—people travel from all over the world for medical treatments and procedures. My hospital stay was as close as I’ve come to a 5-star hotel experience, well, with pain meds and nurses in lavender uniforms.) All went well—arthroscopic surgery is wild to me—and I still got to see the birthday boy on his special day. I’m so lucky to have amazing friends who kept me calm and entertained before the surgery and who fed our family afterwards.

Ten days later, one of our neighbors and a good friend, died unexpectedly, leaving behind his wife and three boys. Big Rich was larger than life and would do anything for anyone. He was our age. How could this have happened? It turns out that he died from complications from a blood clot that developed after surgery—the same knee surgery I had just had, albeit at a different hospital. Rich’s death rocked our family, our close friend group, and our entire school community.

I insisted on seeing a hematologist at my next follow-up appointment and an ultrasound revealed that I too had blood clots in my leg. I would never have known if it weren’t for what happened to Rich. I was put on blood thinners and tried to move my leg as much as I was physically able. Any new symptom was terrifying and kept me awake at night. I was put on anti-anxiety meds for a while.

February 

Meanwhile, Kevin had still been interviewing at different schools. (For context, the search process for international schools typically begins in October for a job that will start the following July.) He had already turned down two job offers, both at schools where dear friends of ours were or would be working. Our friends thought we were crazy, but we were looking for the right school for us. We wanted our next move to fit several criteria: to offer the best educational opportunities for our boys, to be located somewhere we could see living—and afford to live—for the next 5 years to get them off to college, good career/professional development for Kevin, and the possibility of a job for me. It put a lot of pressure on Kevin to find such an exact fit.  

He was looking for teaching jobs both in the US and internationally. But it turns out that most international schools in the states don’t offer anywhere near the same benefits as international schools overseas. Most don’t cover tuition, and the pay is typically not enough to pay for just one child’s tuition, never mind two. One international school in Boston (close to family!) was offering teachers a salary of $39,000. Per year. How do people survive on that in Boston? You can barely pay rent in the suburbs for that (we know!), never mind any other expenses like health insurance, college savings, car payments, or taxes. I just don’t understand how that can be considered a living wage. 

But continuing to live overseas while our families are back in the states is not something we choose lightly. Both of us have parents with health issues, and COVID has meant that we can no longer assume we’ll get to travel back every summer to spend precious time with them. And our boys are growing up so fast… But, as any parent knows, giving your children the best possible opportunity to launch their own lives successfully becomes your priority. I was raised overseas myself and while it’s not easy, I feel the benefits outweigh the challenges. I also believe that you can’t live your life for other people, as hard as that can be for others to understand.  

So when Kevin was offered a job at SSIS in HCMC, Vietnam, and we saw that it checked all of our boxes and more, we gratefully accepted. It was a relief to know where we were going next. And although we assumed that we’d experience an altogether different culture at our “next place,” it’s been a comfort to have some familiarity with life in SE Asia.
Important to note: when Kevin signed his contract, Vietnam had had a total of 3,000 COVID cases and 39 deaths—since the beginning of the pandemic. It was one of the safest countries in the world in terms of COVID.

March

We began the many tasks associated with an international move: interviewing and hiring a moving company, securing a reputable pet relocation service, figuring out what to keep and what to sell, and the most arduous process of all—procuring the paperwork required to work overseas. 

Every country has different requirements. Vietnam required SO MUCH paperwork, all of which needed to be translated, authenticated, AND go through an apostille process. (I didn’t know what that was. An apostille is a “stamp of approval to authenticate the signature of the public official who has certified that the documents presented are true and correct.” Say what? It’s basically a legal certification that makes a document from one country valid in another.) 🙈 All of this was needed for Kevin’s teaching license, his college diploma (which is in Latin), our birth certificates, marriage license, and many other documents. As if that wasn’t complicated enough, there were deadlines to meet for Vietnam but weeks-long ​​backlogs at US state departments because of COVID.

We spent hours crafting emails to clarify what we needed, tracking down all the documents, and making and attending appointments at the US and Vietnamese embassies in Bangkok. Invariably, we met roadblock after roadblock. The US embassy refused to authenticate certain documents that we required. The Thai authorities refused to accept certain documents from our current school. The Vietnamese embassy refused to stamp some documents that the school (in Vietnam) insisted we needed FOR THE VIETNAMESE government. It was, quite simply, a clusterfuck of bureaucracy. It was laughable. Except that it wasn’t. Our only choice was to persevere.

One particularly dramatic afternoon an amazing friend dropped what he was doing to race to school on his motorbike to pick up a document from HR. He then navigated his way through downtown Bangkok traffic to deliver it to us on a street corner so we could get the paper signed before this particular government office closed for the day. That government office happened to be located in the bowels of a subway station. Ah, Thailand. Then we raced to photocopy and mail all the signed, stamped, legalized, authenticated, ordained, blessed papers to the school in Vietnam to meet their deadline. We made it by the skin of our teeth, only to find out that, perhaps, those documents wouldn’t be accepted after all. And could we please go through the process again and obtain a few slightly different documents with some signatures in different places, just in case? ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

We were told that Kevin needed to get into Vietnam by July 10th in order to quarantine in a hotel for 3 weeks before new teacher orientation. So we worked on our plans for the summer. After a stop in Maine, where we would all visit Kevin’s side of the family, Kevin would leave for Vietnam while the boys and I would visit my family in Arizona and then the three of us would fly to Vietnam. This meant we would have to quarantine separately and our family would be apart for 5 weeks. And so began two separate “what we’ll need for quarantine” packing lists along with the running jokes about who had it worse: the person who had to quarantine alone or the one who had to quarantine with two teen boys?

April and May 

Hurry! Hurry! And then wait.

So we waited. And waited… No news about the paperwork. We assume it’s all in order?

More purging, more packing, more spreadsheets. We made a million decisions, big and small. Many couldn’t be made until other details had been firmed up, but most of those details were out of our hands. Meanwhile, work deadlines still needed to be met, not to mention the boys needed help navigating the upcoming transition. We weren’t doing so well ourselves. There was so much stress everywhere we turned. Our response became too much comfort food, too much drinking, and too many late nights. Not the best choices, but we did what it took to get us through. 

We sold the motorbike. We sold the car. We organized and held multiple yard sales. We happily gave away loads of stuff. We signed forms to close bank accounts and transfer transcripts. 

Spring break, at last! A final vacation to our favorite Thai beach resort with several good friends. It was great, but we all missed Big Rich.  

School was shut down again mid-April. Back to online learning.

More and more loose ends to wrap up. I miss hugging my friends. 

The COVID numbers suddenly started to climb in Vietnam. Shit.

A former colleague who had moved to Vietnam put us in touch with a family from our new school. They were leaving and wanted to find new renters for their house in HCMC. We loved the photos of the house and although the rent was more than we were hoping to pay, we knew it would be a lot easier to have one aspect of our move figured out before we arrived. We also knew that having an address to put on forms would make life a lot easier. We agreed to rent the house for a year, paid 2 months’ deposit and 3 months’ rent in advance, and signed the lease, which began in mid-July. We also interviewed and hired the departing family’s housekeeper, Nhung, to work for us part-time. She would also start work in mid-July. 

Meanwhile, we were scheduled to leave Thailand in mid-June but our lease went through July. I asked a dear friend if she would consider moving in after we left to look after Tetley before she was flown to Vietnam. This way Tetley, a nervous pup by nature, wouldn’t have to be boarded for any longer than necessary. My friend agreed! Thank goodness for wonderful friends! A definite theme in our lives.

Things were starting to come together…

Part 2 to follow shortly.

Now I remember why I never sat down to write about our transition in the first few weeks of living in Thailand. Everything, and I mean literally everything, is hard at first. The idea of making time to write about it just wasn’t something I had the bandwidth for back then. As this is our second international move, I’m just going to make time.

When you first arrive in a foreign country (and you plan to live there for a while), the initial focus is on securing basic necessities: finding food, how to get water (you can’t drink the tap water here), figuring out communications (who are the service providers? what phone plans are there? how much data will we need?), figuring out the money (how do we get cash? what even ARE these bills? how do the ATMS work? WHERE ARE the ATMs?) The list goes on and on. Now throw in the fact that you don’t understand the language. You can’t read signs or directions or apps or websites or talk to customer service reps on the phone.

It feels like you’ve landed on an alien planet where everything seems familiar enough. There are people, roads, scooters, buildings, shops… OK, this makes sense. AND YET the most basic task can be overwhelmingly complicated and confusing. For example, the WiFi in our house sucks and we’re doing online learning/teaching, so that’s automatically an immediate priority. But how do we fix it? Who do we contact? HOW do we contact them? Will they understand me? What’s the actual problem I have to try to explain?

Now that we’re a month or so in, this stage already feels like a lifetime ago. But I see how easy it is to forget the minute-to-minute frustrations and struggles. I realize how difficult it is to actually experience each moment because each moment seems to bring a new challenge, and definitely a new unknown. I think a lot of it gets blotted from memory because it’s actually quite traumatic. Sensations and experiences feel too much, too fast, too soon (a description of trauma recently shared by an amazing coach). There’s a deeply primal, frantic feel to getting oriented and finding your feet, especially with a family in tow—there’s a lot at stake.

Luckily, I jotted down some notes about our first week as it was happening. So here’s a glimpse into the minutiae of setting up our new lives in a new country.

Sunday

It’s our first day out of the quarantine hotel. Hallelujah!! Fresh air and freedom! A minivan collected us and our 8 cases and bags and drove us to our district, D7. It’s only about 20 minutes from the downtown area.

Click through for some images I snapped on the way from the hotel to our house.

The house we’ve rented is huge and feels very open. Lots of light and space. The realtor took these videos before we arrived. It looks so nice on camera!

Unfortunately, the house smells VERY musty because it’s essentially been shut up for 4 months. I’m worried about living with mold. Got to get that sorted.

Now that we’re here, we suddenly need ALL. THE. THINGS!! I can’t even accomplish the simplest task. And I mean simple as in washing my hands. There’s no hand soap or towels. But there is dish soap! and a sponge! and a few plates. I’m thankful to previous renters because they left us a few items. I’m also glad we bought some things from them several months ago, so there were some things in the house for us already. But I’m mostly grateful that this is not our first overseas experience, because I knew to make sure that—even after quarantine—we would have some of the things we would need right away, things like toothpaste, some utensils, coffee, tea bags, 2 mugs, a few plastic cups, some snacks, etc.

The house is great but very quirky. The plumbing is weird (sinks are slow and the toilets don’t seem to flush completely). The electrics are even more odd. Some plugs are 3-prong. Some are 2-prong. Some don’t work at all. Some work but then stop working. Several surge. Who built this house? Same with a few of the light switches. Hmm. Note to self: don’t trust the plugs with our computers or phones. Add “surge protectors” and “adaptor plugs” to the “List of Stuff to Buy Right Away.”

The washing machine reeks of mold. We’ve just arrived with 4 people’s worth of laundry after a week of quarantine preceded by a 32-hour international trip. I want to cry. But it’s OK, it’s just another problem to tackle. This can be solved.

We have sheets and one pillow each (thank god!). But no comforters. We have comforters coming in our shipment, no need to buy those again. Add “blankets” to the list. There’s a decent TV (didn’t expect that, a pleasant surprise!). But the couch smells like wet dog and is uncomfortable. Yin and yang. Yin and yang.

We eventually need to find dinner and drinking water. As in Thailand, it’s mostly a cash economy here. But we only had a few bills left in the local currency after tipping the hotel staff. Luckily, Duncan—always thinking ahead—had also packed some Vietnamese currency (which he had saved from our vacation to Vietnam two years ago). Love that kid.

The Vietnamese money is called DONG (VND). I kid you not. I guarantee that saying “dong” will never get old in this house. We found some banh mi, a traditional Vietnamese sandwich, at a lovely little restaurant within walking distance. Four sandwiches cost 200,000 VND (~ $8.50), kindly loaned to us by Duncan. Dinner was a win, for sure!!

Our surrounding neighborhood is delightful; quiet and green. There are trees and plants everywhere and lush parks on either end of our street. In just a few minutes we can walk to a 7/11 and several other mini-marts. All around the park there are other small shops selling organic vegetables and fresh-pressed juice as well as several mom n pop restaurants. I think we’re going to like it here!

Figuring out how to deal with broken/semi-working things and not knowing how things work here is extra hard for this fussy control freak. But I have to remember, it’s all part of the adventure. Perfection is unattainable, so it’s pointless to pursue it. And not having everything at our fingertips is a stark reminder of the many many things we take for granted in the US and elsewhere. 

Monday

I met the first “real” person from our school—IN person! An elementary school teacher. She sold us some dog supplies. (Tetley is coming today!! I’m so excited—counting the minutes!)

We also met our housekeeper today. (It’s common in SE Asia to hire home help. There are many reasons, but one of the main ones is that hiring a worker is almost expected as a way to give back to the local economy.) I love being in a position to hire a housekeeper, I love the luxury of having a housekeeper, and I love our housekeeper already. Although I’ve been messaging with Nhung (pronounced “newm”) since June (we hired her when we rented the house), we hadn’t met her in person until now. She is sweet, hard working, helpful, and takes initiative. All that AND she speaks, reads, and writes English. That is a big deal and will make our lives so much easier.

I had asked Nhung to go shopping with me today. We took a taxi to a nearby mall, and I honestly don’t know how I would have managed without her. I had to show my vaccination card and complete a health declaration form on an app. In Vietnamese. I had to do that to get into the mall and for every store we went into. The first shops I saw were Starbucks, Adidas, Under Armor, Cotton On… Huh. Maybe this will be more familiar than I expected? Definitely more “Western” than I assumed. The mall is spotlessly clean, spacious, and not very people-y. I’m not a mall person at all but I was impressed.  

With Nhung’s help, I bought a bunch of things we needed: toilet paper, hand soap, towels, pots and pans, plates and bowls, sharp knives, a toaster, a mop and broom, an iron… wine. 🙂 It was a bit like shopping for college, except I needed everything all at once, for 3 additional people, and had no clue where to find anything. When we finally got to the checkout, I was frazzled, thirsty, and overwhelmed by it all. While shopping I had also been messaging with the “pet hotel” and was desperate to make sure I got home in time to greet Tetley. I spent a cool 7 MILLION dong and had just enough cash. Phew! (We don’t have a bank account here yet and therefore no ATM/debit card.) I have no idea what I would have done if that bill had gone over. Grateful for another win. I do not take those for granted.

With Nhung’s help, we located a taxi, raced home, threw the bags in the house, and I finally got to reunite with our beloved “fuzzy daughter,” as Kevin calls her. Seeing Tetley after 4 long months was the best feeling in the world—it was such a relief to finally have her back with us. We were all sorely in need of a Tetley fix. (In case you missed the last post, the “Tetley Comes Home” video is there.)

The day wrapped up with discovering that Nhung is also an excellent cook! She made us a traditional Vietnamese dish: Cha Gio (spring rolls) for dinner. We are lucky ducks.

Tuesday

Today I cleaned and disinfected. That always makes me feel better. I also created an account on Lazada. It’s like the SE Asian version of Amazon but with fewer choices, a wonky search function, and you have to understand that what shows up may not necessarily be exactly what you ordered. (Insert shrugging shoulders emoji here.)

Kevin took the bus to school this morning. It was his first time on campus even though he’s been teaching at SSIS since the beginning of August. So crazy. He says the school grounds are lovely and he likes his classroom. (Only teachers are allowed on campus at this point.)

Meanwhile, I started to unpack. It’s a daunting task but there were moments of delight. I found some tea towels! And my stash of Tetley tea bags! Ahhh… All is right with the world. 

We went out for dinner and found a hole-in-the-wall restaurant for some pho (pronounced “fuh”), a traditional Vietnamese soup with noodles, herbs, and thin slices of beef. Our district (D7) is the first to open up after the extremely strict 3-month lockdown. Most restaurants are still take-away only. Dinner cost 340,000 VND ($15) for the four of us, including drinks and a tip. To compare, “dinner out” in the states would set us back at least $100. (I cooked a lot over the past few months.) It’s good to be back where prices aren’t wildly overinflated.

Wednesday

We realized that the trash truck comes EVERY MORNING. You just leave bags of trash on the sidewalk at night and it gets picked up the next day. It’s amazing! The same with recycling. Although that’s actually a lady on a bike. She comes and collects cardboard, paper, bottles, etc. and straps it all to the back of her bicycle.  

I love the bird calls, although the birds here are loud! One sounds exactly like a cat-call. Not such a fan of that one, actually. There’s also a bird of paradise and one that likes to mimic squeaky gates. And we hear many geckos and frogs. We also have to watch that we don’t step on the snails. The giant ones don’t seem like they should exist in nature.

I cooked breakfast today! It was just a simple omelet but it’s a start. We only have one spatula. I need to add butter and pepper to the list. 

It’s so fun to explore our neighborhood. Our street is just lovely. People walk, cycle, ride scooters, drive… It’s not overly busy but there’s enough “traffic” to be interesting. There’s currently a construction crew working in the house directly opposite ours. The workers show up on their scooters early every morning. Huge pieces of furniture are also delivered… on scooters. I’ve noticed that a lady stops by on her bike 3 or 4 times a day to sell the workers drinks and snacks. Her bike is laden with bags: different types of fruit, cups and straws, a cooler. Genius business model!

I was beginning to think there was only UHT milk here. It’s all we had in quarantine and all I could find until today. Imagine my pure delight when I found actual fresh milk in a local Korean market! Now I can have real milk in my tea. Oh, happy day!

Thursday

Today was a tough day. The WiFi is crap, intermittent at best. It keeps cutting out during online learning. On top of that, the boys are having a hard time adjusting to school during the day. (In Arizona, they started school at 6:00 pm, so they could sleep in, relax, do homework during the day…) Starting school at 8:00 am is hard for them.

I think we’ve all reached a new level of tired. There are so many things to do. And there seem to be endless micro-decisions, which are especially exhausting to me. I struggle with decisions at the best of times and agonize over ridiculous things. But unpacking/setting up a house is never easy. What belongs in which cupboard? After I unpacked all the toiletries today I indulged in a little nap. It was a good choice.

Besides “Unpacking and Figuring Everything Out,” I also have a freelance gig with a looming deadline. It’s the last thing I have energy for right now, but it’s not optional. And I am grateful for the work as I don’t have a full-time job this year.

The realtor came today (she’s the liaison for our landlord and therefore our point person). She told us that all the broken things and the not-working-as-they-should things will get fixed within the first 2 weeks at no cost to us. Hooray! That’s such a relief.

Tonight we discovered a delightful little restaurant down the street that has a huge menu of Vietnamese, Korean, and Japanese food as well as fresh-squeezed juice! It was all delicious. On the walk home I stopped at a farm store and bought the most gigantic avocados. Today turned out to be a good day after all.

Friday

At this point, I have more or less unpacked and found homes for the majority of the belongings we arrived with. I also navigated getting a cab with a new app, paid with the correct cash, and figured out the tip. I have either bought many of the things we need (until our shipment arrives) or have ordered them online. I’m starting to get a few ideas about how to decorate/make the house look and feel more lived in. Maybe we’ve turned a corner?

This morning I saw a guy ride past the house on a bicycle hawking brooms and cleaning supplies. Love it!

OMG, Lazada! It’s my saving grace. They accept cash on delivery. I place an order, it shows up a few days later (never exactly sure when to expect it), and I pay the delivery guy for the item. With cash. The water dispenser I ordered on Tuesday showed up today… on a motorbike! I paid the delivery guy 2.4 million VND. (I’m not sure when/if these crazy numbers will feel normal.) The delivery arrived at 10:30 am and I was still in my pajamas. As one of my dearest friends says, “Oops!” 

But we made it to the weekend. Thank all the gods!!