I know I’ve technically been blogging for only three weeks, but I truly missed writing last week. You missed it, too? Aww… thanks!

While I was disappointed, I recognize that the point of writing this blog is to record our lives in the throes of this transition. It’s not surprising that life might get in the way of writing every single week. And that’s OK. (If you know me and my perfectionist tendencies, you’ll understand that that statement is pretty stunning for me to claim, but it’s true.) It feels good to acknowledge that.

And so here we are. The good news is that now I have TWO weeks’ worth of news to share. So grab a cuppa and get comfy….

Back when Kevin and I began to explore international schools earlier this year, we came across what Kevin called a “varsity-level” school. This K–12 school is more like a college than any school I’ve ever known; it has resources and a campus the likes of which I’d never imagined a school could have. We were both blown away by it. But it also felt a little out of our league—at least for our first international posting. Kevin toyed with the idea of applying, and we did some research into life as a teacher and an expat there. We really liked what we learned. This amazing school* is in Bangkok.

While part of me was immediately sold on the idea of moving there, one of the things I’ve been practicing over the past few years is to not hang on too tightly when I really, really want something. I can get a bit… obsessive, shall we say? So while I was tempted to fixate on getting into this particular school, instead I heard the quiet voice in my head that said, simply, “Bangkok or better.” I’ve come to recognize this quiet voice as my deepest inner wisdom. My beloved business coach, Amy Jones, calls this voice “the Captain.”

I can’t take credit for the idea of “… or better,” nor can I recall exactly where I first learned about it, but it’s an incredible tool to help me remember that I can’t control outcomes and that it’s actually much better to let go and trust that all will be as it’s meant to be. And so I did. While I kept thinking “Bangkok or better,” we kept looking at other international schools. Then several domestic schools began to contact Kevin, requesting interviews.

We found out that the position at the school in Bangkok had been filled, and so it was starting to look as if we’d end up stateside, in either Virginia or Texas. These were both wonderful schools, and we imagine we’d have been very happy at either one. But then an international school contacted Kevin, and they were VERY interested in talking with him asap. We were in NYC with the boys at the time, and from a cursory glance at the school’s website we weren’t quite as impressed as we had been by some other schools. But we decided that it made sense for Kevin to do the interview anyway, if only to see what kinds of questions an international school would ask.

The rest is now history, of course, but don’t you also think it’s fascinating that RIS
is where we wanted to be at the beginning: just outside of Bangkok? It too has incredible facilities and resources, but this school actually feels better. It’s a better fit for us as a family; a little bit smaller and more community/family centered.

RIS Campus

I applied the same “… or better” thinking when trying to decide whether to buy the “Pink Fury” scooter you may recall from my last post. Although I could definitely picture myself cruising around our new neighborhood on it, I wasn’t 100% sure if it was the right bike for me. It is VERY pink and it’s so square that it kind of looks as if it’s built out of Legos. I later learned that it has some quirks (read: drives like a tank).

The morning I was debating whether to buy it, I had the thought “Pink Fury or better” and then I let it go. Not an hour later, I got an email from Kevin: “Stop the presses! This just in! Pink Fury might need to take a backseat.” It turns out that one of the other teachers we’ve been in touch with at RIS had decided to take a last-minute teaching position he’d been offered in Chile—at the same school that Kevin had applied to several weeks earlier but hadn’t heard back from. This family had four weeks to pack up and move and were selling both of their scooters and were we interested in buying them? They were asking only 2,000 Baht ($55) more than the asking price for Pink Fury—for both of them. Of the many decisions we’ve been making recently, that was an easy one.

We are now the proud owners of these two fabulous scooters. I think it’s safe to say “Better!”

The boys will be chauffeured in style. I wonder if Tetley will fit in the basket?

Kevin’s sweet ride

So guess what else became available now that this family is moving? Yup, their house. The reason this couple had initially reached out to us was to encourage us to move into their neighborhood because they have 3 boys and several other RIS families with kids also live there. They had many great things to say about the area.

They sent us some photos of their house, and we loved it right away. Compared to the house we were looking to rent earlier, this one has more windows and beautiful ambient light, more air conditioners, has been wired for the fastest internet, has a washing machine indoors (a rare thing, apparently), has a much bigger (and nicer) Western kitchen, a covered driveway, a koi pond in the garden, and is only 5 minutes to school one way and 5 minutes to the main road the other way. The rent is also lower than the house we were first looking at. But maybe the best thing about it is that there are 3 boys who live right next door and several other kids in the neighborhood.

They asked their landlords on our behalf if we could be the new tenants, dog and all. They agreed and will even keep the rent the same. We’ll be getting the contract this weekend. It’s amazing to think that this house wasn’t even an option two weeks ago. Better than the other house? You bet!

So now we have a lovely place to call home and some sweet transportation ready to go. Things are beginning to fall into place, and we’re feeling very grateful.

Everything is also beginning to feel more real. Each of us has been up and down, emotionally, over the past two weeks. I’ve read that it’s natural to idealize your current situation when you know a big move is on the horizon, and it’s clear that we’re no exception. Spring has finally arrived (my favorite season), and I’m realizing how much I love the cool air on my skin and the sounds of birdsongs while I walk Tetley in the mornings. I know I’ll miss that, so I’m taking it all in.

The sadness about leaving is also starting to creep in. Tobin has made new friends on his street hockey team, and I’ve befriended some other hockey parents. It made me realize that most of the time we’ve lived here I’ve kept many friends at arms’ length, knowing that this was never our forever home I didn’t want to “put down roots,” as it were. But life is for living now, not for holding off for an idealized situation in the future. I’ve decided that I won’t hold myself back with new friendships in Thailand. I won’t make it matter that we might be there for only a few years. Having moved several times and lived in different places throughout my own childhood, I now understand that a sense of true belonging comes with full immersion. It will be good for the boys to know that and to witness us wholeheartedly embracing new friendships and unfamiliar experiences.

We’re entering the final few weeks of school here, which are inherently crazy in any year. But that’s all happening while we’re still working to sell our belongings, trying to hit work deadlines, visiting with friends and family, and attempting to stay sane.

I know I’ll be leaning on the “or better” thinking a lot more over the next few weeks as things kick into even higher gear. You might want to try it in your own life. What I’ve come to find is that it actually feels a bit like… magic.

Gif courtesy of a blog post on VR company Magic Leap on Tech Crunch.com

*The first amazing school is the International School of Bangkok.

This week’s been a doozy, weather-wise (and otherwise): cold, drizzly, and gray. One of Kevin’s Facebook friends declared that it was not May 5th. It was, in fact, March 59th. Part of me feels gleeful that I won’t have to be wearing a down parka and winter boots to walk the dog next May. Another part of me knows that this time next year, I’ll be wishing it were cold enough to do just that. You know how I know? While being taken on a personal video tour of the house I mentioned in last week’s post, we asked to see the yard. There was a distinct pause. Turns out it was 114 degrees outside. That is not a typo.

Did I mention that I’m not a big fan of humidity and heat? I wilt like a flower (but then smell quite unlike a flower). I suppose it’s a good thing that the hottest time of year in Thailand is April and May. That will give us several months to adjust to the climate before those kinds of temps become the norm. Fortunately, most places are air-conditioned. I imagine it will be like Florida in the summer; unbearably hot and humid outdoors, but you have to carry a sweater because it’s freezing inside. One of the teachers told us that her husband lost 30 pounds the first year they moved to Bangkok. Partly because he joined the running club and partly because “the first year, you just sweat. All the time.” Eeewww! But also, Hmmmm…. losing 30 pounds? Not a bad side effect…

Back here in frigid Massachusetts, this week’s weather has left me feeling woefully unmotivated. While the weeks are ticking by at an alarming pace, our progress feels slow, which has allowed all sorts of fears and worries to bubble to the surface. The idea of the move is still appealing, but the newness of it has worn off and a starker reality is settling in. It didn’t help when we learned that the house we were considering has just been rented to someone else. We had spoken with the landlord only two days before and had attempted to negotiate the rent. We were a mere 2,000 Baht (approx. $50) apart by the end of the call and had left it with her that we would be in touch early next week. Maybe it was something we said? It seems that maybe we have more to learn about the art of negotiation with Thai people. So we’re back to square one on that front.

We’re trying to reframe it as a learning experience and are trusting that the right house for us will show up. We know that we’ll find our home away from home, whether it’s before we go or when we get there. We also know that mistakes will be made as we traverse this great sea of “all things unknown.” While we’re mightily uncomfortable with not knowing many of the details of our new life, we’re trying to embrace the bumpy waves instead of fight against them. Our compass is grace, and true north is having faith in ourselves. This is all a humbling experience and one we know will leave us wiser and stronger on the other side.

Meanwhile, on the other side, current RIS teachers are posting things to sell. One of those things is a bright pink 3-wheeled scooter. OOHHH! I can see myself cruising around the neighborhood, one boy in front of me, one on the bench behind, and Tetley in the basket. It goes by the name “Pink Fury.” All it needs is a few Hello Kitty stickers.

This time next week I may have sold my Specialized road bike and bought this instead. Good trade.

Let’s see if we can do better with this negotiation. Kevin has made it clear that he will not be showing up to school driving “Pink Fury.” So the search is on for a more manly mode of transportation for Mr. Kevin, as his students will be calling him.

For now, this weekend has been declared the weekend to “post things to sell online!” In between a cub scout event, a hockey game, a shred-a-thon, a play date, some work, a mountain of laundry, and more paperwork. Onward! Well…. right after I go have a margarita. It really was May 5th this week, right?

It’s not easy distilling and packing up one’s life in a matter of weeks. (I hear you thinking “DUH!” Go ahead, it’s OK.) We knew this going in, of course. But as is true for so many things, the reality is, umm, challenging, to put it politely.

In an effort to start somewhere, the better part of last Saturday was spent hunting through our apartment looking for items to sell at a local flea market. Suddenly, the closets seemed much deeper and more packed with stuff. Some things we thought we’d sold earlier were hiding in said closets. Plus our attic held all sorts of unremembered “treasures.” I swear, that shit multiplies overnight when we’re not looking. By the end of the day, we’d gathered enough for two car loads and declared it “good enough for now.”

Sunday found us awake at 4:3o am, groggy but looking forward to SELLING ALL THE THINGS! There were only 4 other vendors when we arrived at 6:30 am, coffee and donuts in hand. We laid out our wares, tied on our money pouches, and caffeinated our bodies while we waited for buyers and grumbled about why it’s still so cold at the end of April. The boys ate more donuts than would usually be permitted and then happily discovered a large mound of mulch to play on.

Mulch piles are irresistible…

If you didn’t already know, there are some interesting people who like to go to flea markets. What you may not know is that there are some really interesting people who go to flea markets in Central Mass. Many people like to chat and were very encouraging about our imminent move. Others don’t even like to make eye contact. All of them want to spend the least amount of money possible. We didn’t care. We practically gave some stuff away, because, you know, we can’t take it with us.

Trying to sell all the things!

It’s surprisingly tiring to be outdoors, on your feet, interacting with the public, negotiating prices, and constantly reminding the kids not to play on that enticing mound of mulch that we later learned was mixed with manure. Seven hours later, we were exhausted, wind-burned, and chilled to the bone. We packed up the car—somehow there were still SO MANY boxes and tubs—and headed home to count our hard-earned monies. The grand total? $94. A bit disappointing for all the time put in, but it covered this week’s groceries, so no complaints. And now we have fewer belongings than before, which is the goal after all.

However, I have a feeling we’ll be posting more items on Craigslist, Close 5, and Facebook Yard Sale pages this weekend. Much less time-consuming, also less risk of reddening sensitive skin and overconsumption of donuts. That’s not to say there won’t be more flea market adventures. We’ve heard they’re busier on Saturdays…

Meanwhile, the realities of our future life in Thailand are being revealed in little details, like this one, a direct quote from one of the current RIS teachers we’ve been emailing with:

Our landlord set us up with a gardener awhile back, but she hasn’t come in forever because there hasn’t been enough rain for anything to grow… You do have to keep the grass short so you can watch for snakes.

Snakes? OK then! Good to know. It’s also good that the boys have seen the Simpsons episode “Whacking Day” as there may be some snakes that get whacked in the next couple of years. And here I was worrying about the stray dogs and cats…

As for spider webs, this is the analogy I’ve been drawing to the incredibly complicated logistics that comprise an international relocation. As a spider web is an intricate connection of threads, so are the details we’re trying to navigate in a way that makes sense. We’ve been capturing our many tasks on an awesome app called Trello. It’s like a shared digital bulletin board where we can track and assign jobs to each other.

One of our many Trello boards

We’ve made “boards” for overarching categories and have been filling out the related details, such as gathering documents required by the new school, making appointments to get appropriately vaccinated, where and how to sell practically all of our belongings—including the car, what we need to get our visas, scheduling good-bye visits, what to do about our phone contracts… The lists feel ENDLESS. Not to mention overwhelming. For each task we cross off, we add two or three more. Most of them feel like priorities, so now we’re in the process of putting a deadline on each to-do and transferring them to a large calendar to refer to at a glance.

But we found that we couldn’t move forward on many of the tasks until we made decisions about some of the others. Like a spider’s web, we needed a center around which to start laying the connecting details, or threads, that will bind it all into a cohesive plan.

(image courtesy of pestproducts.com)

So where to start? We eventually realized that we needed to start at the end. We couldn’t move forward until we figured out which airline would allow us to bring our dog. Booking our flights was the center thread of our web.

Tetley getting used to her new “airline-approved” crate

After hours of research, disheartening phone calls, and ridiculous quotes from “professional pet relocation” companies, we’ve finally found an airline with a decent pet- and wallet-friendly policy. By the end of this week, our flights should be booked on Qatar Airways. Apparently, this is the preferred airline of sultans and falcons—and now Brodeurs. Our beloved Tetley gets to fly as “excess baggage” in her airline-approved crate in the temperature-controlled cargo area. Such a relief! 

We’ll be flying out of Boston late on July 14th, a Thursday, with a stop in Doha, Qatar, on Friday afternoon. We won’t land in Bangkok until Saturday morning. Flying halfway around the world will be an adventure in and of itself. Hello jet lag! I suspect we won’t know which way is up. Good thing our boys are both excellent travelers. It’s also good that we’ve given ourselves several days for our body clocks to adjust before the official orientation process begins.

It feels like progress to have made a solid decision. One big hurdle successfully surmounted. Onto the next thread: housing. We’re considering a very nice house to rent, within walking distance of the school and close to other RIS families with young children. The question is: Do we sign a lease now, having seen only photos and a personal video tour with the current tenant? (Bird in the hand, plus we’d already know our address and where we’ll be living.) OR do we wait until we get there and look at several other houses in person  so we can compare but do so while dealing with jet lag and competing with other new teachers? You’ll have to wait until next week to find out.

PS. If you know of anyone looking for a well maintained 2008 Ford Escape Hybrid with low milage, let me know! Available early July.

Only 95K miles. Leather interior. Great on gas.

A lot’s happened since last we wrote, FIVE years ago. That’s a long time, especially with two little kids. But it also feels impossibly quick.

So here we are, in 2016. Our kids aren’t so little anymore…

Tobin (8), Duncan (10), and Tetley (2)

And Kevin and I are wiser, happier, closer, and definitely more gray. It’s been a good, albeit bumpy ride.

Here’s a (somewhat) distilled version of what we’ve been up to since last we wrote.

After leaving my full-time editorial job, I started a creative arts business while still editing on the side. At least, that was the plan. But I soon discovered that creating “on demand” wasn’t fun or financially viable because of the time involved in creating each piece. Plus, marketing my business? Umm, yeah. That didn’t happen.

I eventually decided to unplug my website. Ready for next…

A few months into our brave new world, I stumbled across Anna Kunnecke, an amazing life coach, who helped me see myself through different lenses. Best investment ever. My biggest shift was realizing that no one else had a stake in my “worth” but me and that I’m capable of so much more than I thought. I’ve since worked with several other wonderful coaches, like Amy Jones, Sarah Papp, and Amy Pearson, among others, for both business and personal growth. Being my own boss has led me to be bolder, braver, and sassier. 

I’m now a coach myself, and it seems like such an obvious career choice (in hindsight, of course). I help smart, busy women simplify all aspects of their lives and navigate life’s transitions with grace and confidence, one step at a time. 

As planned, we did simplify and learned to live with a lot less, for better and worse. The change of pace was a gift, and as my stress level diminished my well-being quickly returned.

We didn’t end up raising chickens, but we did grow vegetables and explored local places and played and took a few wonderful vacations:

Kevin built these raised beds. We grew the tastiest corn and tomatoes!

Tower Hill Botanical Gardens

Backyard shenanigans

Papa Robinson and Tobin

A lake house we rented near Wilmington, VT

4th of July camping weekend

Wilmington, VT

Top of the Empire State Building, NYC

I loved being able to spend more time with the boys. I began to pay attention to things I’d been oblivious to in our former day-to-day rushing. I actually noticed signs of the seasons changing. I cherished the little moments. Every day I was grateful for not having to race to catch that train. Life truly felt rich.

But it was also really, really hard to be a freelancer, not knowing when the next check was coming. We struggled a lot, mostly financially. But I haven’t regretted leaving my job, not one day since. I’ve had steady editorial work from a handful of loyal clients and have been gradually growing my coaching business.

Despite that, we came to the point where we just couldn’t afford our mortgage and the costs of homeownership anymore. We were sliding deeper into debt. We didn’t qualify for the new refinancing options for underwater mortgages because our bank happened to be excluded, and they certainly had no interest in helping us. I toyed with the idea of finding another full-time job, but it made me sick just thinking about it. I knew—and Kevin insisted—that I owed it to myself to really try to make a go of my coaching business, marketing and all.

When the housing market finally started to stabilize, we decided to sell our house. Several realtors told us we could get at least what we paid for it back in 2005. But that was not the case. It was an emotionally grueling year of endless showings and no viable offers. We kept lowering the price until we finally decided to take a big loss just to get out from under it.

One of our many, many yard sales

We sold the house, our second car, loads more “stuff,” and felt a deep and blissful freedom that we hadn’t felt in a long time. We were ready for next.

“Next” turned out to be full circle. We chose to go backwards, knowing that it would one day mean we could go forward again. And that’s why we moved back into the exact same apartment we had lived in 10 years before on the campus of the school where Kevin teaches.

We currently live on the top floor of this house, within walking distance of school.

It was an odd sort of deja vu, except this time we had two kids and a different dog. We’ve enjoyed being in a quieter, more rural area with woods nearby, two soccer fields for a backyard, and a community of other teachers.

But two years later, we’re ready for next again.

And “forward” has led us to a very exciting adventure indeed. We’ll soon be moving to the other side of the world; Thailand will be our new home! Kevin will be leaving Applewild, having taught there for 17 years, to join a new school: Ruamrudee (scroll down the page for a cool video about the school and the area). It’s an international English-speaking school on the outskirts of Bangkok.

While it may be shocking to many, a move of this magnitude is actually something we’ve talked about for years, typically over cocktail-fueled anniversary dinners. We’ve long fantasized about doing something unconventional, moving somewhere else where we can get ahead while helping others, too. Where the boys would have a life that’s less “privileged,” in the conventional sense, but rich in experience and travel.

So here we are, poised on the brink of such an adventure. Living in Thailand will allow us to drastically cut our living expenses, pay off our debt, save some money for the future, help others less fortunate than us, live even more simply, travel to incredible destinations, and be fully immersed in a world entirely different from the one we so comfortably know.

The reality, of course, is that every single aspect of our lives will be new and strange: the language, the culture, the school, the climate, the food, the money, how we get around, what we wear….  As we traverse the roller coaster of emotions that come with such a seismic shift, we’ve realized that it will be vital to have a core of stability. Things about us that will stay steady and true, something we can lean on during the tumultuous navigation of such big changes.

That core is our connection to each other, all four of us. We’ve likened this transition to transplanting a thriving plant that has outgrown its pot. We’re being deliberate about keeping our “familial root ball” intact by making sure we maintain a few of our beloved rituals and routines, the familiar threads that uniquely bind us as a family. 

Thai (and other) basil (image courtesy of Bonnieplant.com)

One way we do this is to talk—a lot—about how we feel about the move, what we’re looking forward to, what we’re scared about, and how we intend to keep in touch with family and friends. We’re making plans and decisions together. We’re enlisting the boys’ help in sorting through our belongings and deciding what’s important to keep and what we can let go and give to others. These are the nutrients that enrich our bonds and that will help us reroot in the new, fertile soil of another world.

We’ll be posting here to document the lead up to the move, which is now 12 weeks away, mainly because we want a record of this unique time of great change. Of course, we’ll also be recording the adventure itself.

Kevin has signed a two-year contract, so it’s not forever. But we’re open to whatever—or wherever— feels like “next” after that. We imagine we’ll look back in awe, humbled by our bravery and amused by our naiveté. Much like we’ve done over the past 5 years.

We’re honored that you’re along for the ride.

Christmas lights bus tour of Boston. No, we’re not a silly bunch at all.