Now I remember why I never sat down to write about our transition in the first few weeks of living in Thailand. Everything, and I mean literally everything, is hard at first. The idea of making time to write about it just wasn’t something I had the bandwidth for back then. As this is our second international move, I’m just going to make time.

When you first arrive in a foreign country (and you plan to live there for a while), the initial focus is on securing basic necessities: finding food, how to get water (you can’t drink the tap water here), figuring out communications (who are the service providers? what phone plans are there? how much data will we need?), figuring out the money (how do we get cash? what even ARE these bills? how do the ATMS work? WHERE ARE the ATMs?) The list goes on and on. Now throw in the fact that you don’t understand the language. You can’t read signs or directions or apps or websites or talk to customer service reps on the phone.

It feels like you’ve landed on an alien planet where everything seems familiar enough. There are people, roads, scooters, buildings, shops… OK, this makes sense. AND YET the most basic task can be overwhelmingly complicated and confusing. For example, the WiFi in our house sucks and we’re doing online learning/teaching, so that’s automatically an immediate priority. But how do we fix it? Who do we contact? HOW do we contact them? Will they understand me? What’s the actual problem I have to try to explain?

Now that we’re a month or so in, this stage already feels like a lifetime ago. But I see how easy it is to forget the minute-to-minute frustrations and struggles. I realize how difficult it is to actually experience each moment because each moment seems to bring a new challenge, and definitely a new unknown. I think a lot of it gets blotted from memory because it’s actually quite traumatic. Sensations and experiences feel too much, too fast, too soon (a description of trauma recently shared by an amazing coach). There’s a deeply primal, frantic feel to getting oriented and finding your feet, especially with a family in tow—there’s a lot at stake.

Luckily, I jotted down some notes about our first week as it was happening. So here’s a glimpse into the minutiae of setting up our new lives in a new country.

Sunday

It’s our first day out of the quarantine hotel. Hallelujah!! Fresh air and freedom! A minivan collected us and our 8 cases and bags and drove us to our district, D7. It’s only about 20 minutes from the downtown area.

Click through for some images I snapped on the way from the hotel to our house.

The house we’ve rented is huge and feels very open. Lots of light and space. The realtor took these videos before we arrived. It looks so nice on camera!

Unfortunately, the house smells VERY musty because it’s essentially been shut up for 4 months. I’m worried about living with mold. Got to get that sorted.

Now that we’re here, we suddenly need ALL. THE. THINGS!! I can’t even accomplish the simplest task. And I mean simple as in washing my hands. There’s no hand soap or towels. But there is dish soap! and a sponge! and a few plates. I’m thankful to previous renters because they left us a few items. I’m also glad we bought some things from them several months ago, so there were some things in the house for us already. But I’m mostly grateful that this is not our first overseas experience, because I knew to make sure that—even after quarantine—we would have some of the things we would need right away, things like toothpaste, some utensils, coffee, tea bags, 2 mugs, a few plastic cups, some snacks, etc.

The house is great but very quirky. The plumbing is weird (sinks are slow and the toilets don’t seem to flush completely). The electrics are even more odd. Some plugs are 3-prong. Some are 2-prong. Some don’t work at all. Some work but then stop working. Several surge. Who built this house? Same with a few of the light switches. Hmm. Note to self: don’t trust the plugs with our computers or phones. Add “surge protectors” and “adaptor plugs” to the “List of Stuff to Buy Right Away.”

The washing machine reeks of mold. We’ve just arrived with 4 people’s worth of laundry after a week of quarantine preceded by a 32-hour international trip. I want to cry. But it’s OK, it’s just another problem to tackle. This can be solved.

We have sheets and one pillow each (thank god!). But no comforters. We have comforters coming in our shipment, no need to buy those again. Add “blankets” to the list. There’s a decent TV (didn’t expect that, a pleasant surprise!). But the couch smells like wet dog and is uncomfortable. Yin and yang. Yin and yang.

We eventually need to find dinner and drinking water. As in Thailand, it’s mostly a cash economy here. But we only had a few bills left in the local currency after tipping the hotel staff. Luckily, Duncan—always thinking ahead—had also packed some Vietnamese currency (which he had saved from our vacation to Vietnam two years ago). Love that kid.

The Vietnamese money is called DONG (VND). I kid you not. I guarantee that saying “dong” will never get old in this house. We found some banh mi, a traditional Vietnamese sandwich, at a lovely little restaurant within walking distance. Four sandwiches cost 200,000 VND (~ $8.50), kindly loaned to us by Duncan. Dinner was a win, for sure!!

Our surrounding neighborhood is delightful; quiet and green. There are trees and plants everywhere and lush parks on either end of our street. In just a few minutes we can walk to a 7/11 and several other mini-marts. All around the park there are other small shops selling organic vegetables and fresh-pressed juice as well as several mom n pop restaurants. I think we’re going to like it here!

Figuring out how to deal with broken/semi-working things and not knowing how things work here is extra hard for this fussy control freak. But I have to remember, it’s all part of the adventure. Perfection is unattainable, so it’s pointless to pursue it. And not having everything at our fingertips is a stark reminder of the many many things we take for granted in the US and elsewhere. 

Monday

I met the first “real” person from our school—IN person! An elementary school teacher. She sold us some dog supplies. (Tetley is coming today!! I’m so excited—counting the minutes!)

We also met our housekeeper today. (It’s common in SE Asia to hire home help. There are many reasons, but one of the main ones is that hiring a worker is almost expected as a way to give back to the local economy.) I love being in a position to hire a housekeeper, I love the luxury of having a housekeeper, and I love our housekeeper already. Although I’ve been messaging with Nhung (pronounced “newm”) since June (we hired her when we rented the house), we hadn’t met her in person until now. She is sweet, hard working, helpful, and takes initiative. All that AND she speaks, reads, and writes English. That is a big deal and will make our lives so much easier.

I had asked Nhung to go shopping with me today. We took a taxi to a nearby mall, and I honestly don’t know how I would have managed without her. I had to show my vaccination card and complete a health declaration form on an app. In Vietnamese. I had to do that to get into the mall and for every store we went into. The first shops I saw were Starbucks, Adidas, Under Armor, Cotton On… Huh. Maybe this will be more familiar than I expected? Definitely more “Western” than I assumed. The mall is spotlessly clean, spacious, and not very people-y. I’m not a mall person at all but I was impressed.  

With Nhung’s help, I bought a bunch of things we needed: toilet paper, hand soap, towels, pots and pans, plates and bowls, sharp knives, a toaster, a mop and broom, an iron… wine. 🙂 It was a bit like shopping for college, except I needed everything all at once, for 3 additional people, and had no clue where to find anything. When we finally got to the checkout, I was frazzled, thirsty, and overwhelmed by it all. While shopping I had also been messaging with the “pet hotel” and was desperate to make sure I got home in time to greet Tetley. I spent a cool 7 MILLION dong and had just enough cash. Phew! (We don’t have a bank account here yet and therefore no ATM/debit card.) I have no idea what I would have done if that bill had gone over. Grateful for another win. I do not take those for granted.

With Nhung’s help, we located a taxi, raced home, threw the bags in the house, and I finally got to reunite with our beloved “fuzzy daughter,” as Kevin calls her. Seeing Tetley after 4 long months was the best feeling in the world—it was such a relief to finally have her back with us. We were all sorely in need of a Tetley fix. (In case you missed the last post, the “Tetley Comes Home” video is there.)

The day wrapped up with discovering that Nhung is also an excellent cook! She made us a traditional Vietnamese dish: Cha Gio (spring rolls) for dinner. We are lucky ducks.

Tuesday

Today I cleaned and disinfected. That always makes me feel better. I also created an account on Lazada. It’s like the SE Asian version of Amazon but with fewer choices, a wonky search function, and you have to understand that what shows up may not necessarily be exactly what you ordered. (Insert shrugging shoulders emoji here.)

Kevin took the bus to school this morning. It was his first time on campus even though he’s been teaching at SSIS since the beginning of August. So crazy. He says the school grounds are lovely and he likes his classroom. (Only teachers are allowed on campus at this point.)

Meanwhile, I started to unpack. It’s a daunting task but there were moments of delight. I found some tea towels! And my stash of Tetley tea bags! Ahhh… All is right with the world. 

We went out for dinner and found a hole-in-the-wall restaurant for some pho (pronounced “fuh”), a traditional Vietnamese soup with noodles, herbs, and thin slices of beef. Our district (D7) is the first to open up after the extremely strict 3-month lockdown. Most restaurants are still take-away only. Dinner cost 340,000 VND ($15) for the four of us, including drinks and a tip. To compare, “dinner out” in the states would set us back at least $100. (I cooked a lot over the past few months.) It’s good to be back where prices aren’t wildly overinflated.

Wednesday

We realized that the trash truck comes EVERY MORNING. You just leave bags of trash on the sidewalk at night and it gets picked up the next day. It’s amazing! The same with recycling. Although that’s actually a lady on a bike. She comes and collects cardboard, paper, bottles, etc. and straps it all to the back of her bicycle.  

I love the bird calls, although the birds here are loud! One sounds exactly like a cat-call. Not such a fan of that one, actually. There’s also a bird of paradise and one that likes to mimic squeaky gates. And we hear many geckos and frogs. We also have to watch that we don’t step on the snails. The giant ones don’t seem like they should exist in nature.

I cooked breakfast today! It was just a simple omelet but it’s a start. We only have one spatula. I need to add butter and pepper to the list. 

It’s so fun to explore our neighborhood. Our street is just lovely. People walk, cycle, ride scooters, drive… It’s not overly busy but there’s enough “traffic” to be interesting. There’s currently a construction crew working in the house directly opposite ours. The workers show up on their scooters early every morning. Huge pieces of furniture are also delivered… on scooters. I’ve noticed that a lady stops by on her bike 3 or 4 times a day to sell the workers drinks and snacks. Her bike is laden with bags: different types of fruit, cups and straws, a cooler. Genius business model!

I was beginning to think there was only UHT milk here. It’s all we had in quarantine and all I could find until today. Imagine my pure delight when I found actual fresh milk in a local Korean market! Now I can have real milk in my tea. Oh, happy day!

Thursday

Today was a tough day. The WiFi is crap, intermittent at best. It keeps cutting out during online learning. On top of that, the boys are having a hard time adjusting to school during the day. (In Arizona, they started school at 6:00 pm, so they could sleep in, relax, do homework during the day…) Starting school at 8:00 am is hard for them.

I think we’ve all reached a new level of tired. There are so many things to do. And there seem to be endless micro-decisions, which are especially exhausting to me. I struggle with decisions at the best of times and agonize over ridiculous things. But unpacking/setting up a house is never easy. What belongs in which cupboard? After I unpacked all the toiletries today I indulged in a little nap. It was a good choice.

Besides “Unpacking and Figuring Everything Out,” I also have a freelance gig with a looming deadline. It’s the last thing I have energy for right now, but it’s not optional. And I am grateful for the work as I don’t have a full-time job this year.

The realtor came today (she’s the liaison for our landlord and therefore our point person). She told us that all the broken things and the not-working-as-they-should things will get fixed within the first 2 weeks at no cost to us. Hooray! That’s such a relief.

Tonight we discovered a delightful little restaurant down the street that has a huge menu of Vietnamese, Korean, and Japanese food as well as fresh-squeezed juice! It was all delicious. On the walk home I stopped at a farm store and bought the most gigantic avocados. Today turned out to be a good day after all.

Friday

At this point, I have more or less unpacked and found homes for the majority of the belongings we arrived with. I also navigated getting a cab with a new app, paid with the correct cash, and figured out the tip. I have either bought many of the things we need (until our shipment arrives) or have ordered them online. I’m starting to get a few ideas about how to decorate/make the house look and feel more lived in. Maybe we’ve turned a corner?

This morning I saw a guy ride past the house on a bicycle hawking brooms and cleaning supplies. Love it!

OMG, Lazada! It’s my saving grace. They accept cash on delivery. I place an order, it shows up a few days later (never exactly sure when to expect it), and I pay the delivery guy for the item. With cash. The water dispenser I ordered on Tuesday showed up today… on a motorbike! I paid the delivery guy 2.4 million VND. (I’m not sure when/if these crazy numbers will feel normal.) The delivery arrived at 10:30 am and I was still in my pajamas. As one of my dearest friends says, “Oops!” 

But we made it to the weekend. Thank all the gods!!